The Irish way of death

Paul's brother Gerry died rather suddenly last weekend, as a result of which we were both in Northern Ireland last week.  I have grown up as a Catholic, and have rubbed shoulders with the Irish in English parishes, but nothing had prepared me for the Irish way of doing things when someone dies.  The "remains" - not referred to as a body - of the deceased are brought back to the house, and placed in an open coffin.  People then call at the house to pay their respects - this involves saying a prayer beside the coffin, commiserating with the relatives, and then sitting down and having a cup of tea or coffee with the others present.  Since it's the done thing to call, relatives and friends are in and out of the house from the time when the death is known until the body is removed for the funeral Mass.  And of course they have to be catered for, so there is a constant supply of sandwiches, cakes, and more solid sustenance as time goes on.  This is a twenty-four hour undertaking, with members of the family staying awake all night.

When the time for the funeral comes, the coffin is sealed and then carried out of the house by members of the family or friends.  If the church is some distance away, the coffin will be carried a few hundred yards, people taking turns, before it is placed in the hearse.

At the funeral Mass itself, I counted some 300 people.  A general invitation was issued by the family for those attending to come to a meal afterwards - this turned out to be a sit-down lunch in a local function room for a mere 160 or so.

My kind in-laws were curious about how different things were in England.  Here the immediate family are left in their grief until the funeral takes place.  The funeral itself is followed by tea and biscuits in a local village hall.  I can only explain the difference by the fact that the Irish are more social, the English more private.  Nothing can make the experience of death less harrowing than it is, but I came away with the firm belief that the greater emphasis on the experience being a community one rather than a private and isolated affair is the healthier approach.  The hardest part for the bereaved, in both countries, comes later.

Antony Mair