So hard to say good-bye - in England, at any rate

A happy day for many, as George W. Bush and his First Lady said a definitive good-bye to the political scene

One of the things I've noticed on my return to England is the way that the simple word "good-bye" seems to be moving into obsolescence.  For some years now, a lot of people have started to say "See you later" - though there is often not the slightest likelihood of their seeing one again the same day.  What does "later" mean, then?  some vague time in the future?  is this perhaps plumber-speak - like "I'll come round later", meaning in three months' time?

I used to know where I was with polite formulae.  "Thank you" didn't need a reply.  Now, as often as not, it is followed by the thankee saying "No problem".  What problem did they think there was?  Do they mean "Don't mention it" - i.e. the matter was such a trifle I needn't bother to thank?  Or has thanking itself become a problem?  

You can see the existential dilemmas I've been facing in daily social dealings.  But the good-bye thing is a little more fraught.  Even when someone succeeds in saying good-bye it's accompanied by other formulae.  "Drive safely" is an injunction I find slightly offensive, since it implies that I wouldn't drive safely if not told.  (Actually that might be right so I won't go on about it.)  "Take care" is often uttered with a sort of oozing unctuousness that is pretty repellent.  It implies that my life is so fraught with danger that I need to tread warily.  Are there perils that, after over sixty years, I am still unaware of?  I prefer the more blatantly selfish "Look after yourself", though why anyone needs to say that as we part company I don't really know.

I started thinking about all of this after walking the dogs today.  During our promenade along the seafront there were the regular words used by doting parents to their toddling offspring - "Look - a doggie".  I have now developed a total loathing of the word "doggie", and have to restrain myself from a Victor Meldrew-type rant in which I address the proud father and ask whether his child sits in a chairie to eat his mealie.  Becoming a little concerned about my decline into grumpy-old-man-ness I started to think of other phrases I disliked, which led to the good-bye thing.  Not that there's much danger of a rant if someone says "Drive safely", "Take care" or "See you later" - it's just that all of them encourage some further conversation - such as asking whether they know of perils I'm unaware of, or when "later" is referring to.  Much easier really to keep to a simple good-bye, perhaps with a regal wave like George W.

Antony Mair